Teresa's Kitchen

There is a small magnet on  the stove of my Dad's  Miami kitchen.  It reads: "Teresa's kitchen, satisfaction guaranteed." My mom was a great cook, though she complained about the daily burden of cooking, she truly enjoyed expressing her love by providing sustenance. In the year and a half since she died I have not felt her presence as much as has been the case with others who've passed on.  I see now through the benefit of time and perspective that I failed my mother and father in significant ways during her last days on earth.   Instead of providing quiet and calm; the sounds of my work and the clatter of my marriage falling apart invaded her sacred space.  It was a tense time made worse by the anger seeping from old wounds and betrayals.  Her last moments with us were quiet and she had her husband, sister, best friend and daughter present.  When I was a kid she chided me for tracking dirt in the house when I failed to wipe my shoes at the door.  I see the wisdom now of entirely removing one's shoes before entering a home or another sacred place.  Leave the crap outside. I am of course contrite for the additional pain I caused her and my dad.  But it is only after reflecting on this and claiming responsibility for my own failings that I can once again feel my mom's spirit.   Since we are visiting my dad, I spend some time in Teresa's kitchen.  Truth be told, I spend as little time as possible cooking and focus my efforts on creative reheating.  Nevertheless, I feel her with me when doing dishes or when spot cleaning the impossible white tile floor.    She's with me as I retrace our steps from decades of walks on the beach to the lighthouse.  Mom and Eddie are there in every breath of ocean air and in the gentle lapping of the waves.  So much is different now, yet the love stays the same.  Every day the kids, dad and I add new memories. Sure, we all feel her absence; but more significantly we enjoy our prescence and the forging of a new dynamic between our three generations. Ⓒ 2012 Patricia Vivó-Aucoin